Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I love you.
Bad choice
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
