I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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