I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
