I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
