and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
