Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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