There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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