Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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