Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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