if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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