i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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