I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
