What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She announced her abortion via fbk
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
