I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
