he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
