Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
