Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
