god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need a beard to bite.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
