Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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