Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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