jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
