she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
