:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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