do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
