What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
