He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
