I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
