Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
