My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
