This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
