My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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