Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
