we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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