Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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