If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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