Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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