The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
