a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
