I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
