First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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