Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My pussy is not your playground.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
