I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
