but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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