we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
