dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
