your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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