so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
