evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
