she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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