...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
