I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
